Part Two: Unexpected Joy
by Katherine NotGreat
Summary: Sequel to Musings on the threshold. This time, it's the wife Wendy, of course who is lost in reverie, but the outcome is somewhat different...
1. Chapter 1

Part Two : Unexpected Joy

Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives,

**2**

when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear (1 Pet. 3 )

**13**

And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love. (1 Cor. 13)

At last, spring has come.

Wendy Moira Angela Stuart nee Darling had always loved spring most of all seasons, and by her 30th birthday she came to value the Lent as its most precious period

For her it was something which was long ago called "a spring cleaning", only in a different sense. Whereas her home was always a model for other households, her soul craved for this time of the year to be relieved from all-absorbing cares, burdens and "all that juzz" so she could allow herself a temporary lull, to stop and to thinks of Real Things.

Things that really mattered.

It was Sunday, and as usual, Wendy entered the church with only Jane at her side.

Her husband stayed behind, as he always did.

After the heavy doors were closed behind them, she sighed.

Like St Paul, she would have preferred to be alienated from her Lord herself rather than watch helplessly her spouse to stay away from the Source of Life.

_No use,_ she thought. _All my efforts….that's all in vain_…..

Overcame by a wistful mood, she made her way along the passage to her favourite spot. Jane has hopped away already to the flock of her friends from Sunday school, and Wendy could quietly stand (she wasn't much inclined to sit down) behind a tall column, near the image of the Holy Virgin.

Somehow, she always felt safe and protected in this particular spot, and started to consider it as "hers".

The image she stood under was by no means common for a traditional Catholic parish. It was painted in the ascetic Byzantine style (the Rector, a man of liberal mind and ecumenical views, brought this copy of a famous miracle-making original from one of his trips to the world of Eastern Christianity).

The name of the icon was "Unexpected Joy"

Wendy looked up towards the loving and anxious eyes of Our Lady and uttered a silent groan.

For in her own family life she failed now to see any, even the tiniest chance for unexpected joy, or cherish any hopes for changes. As it was, there were none to be seen in her horizon

Why was she so naïve as to believe this day to make any difference from the other days of her now not so short married life?

Should it be somehow different only because the weather was so fine, nay, even splendid, on this lovely spring morning? Because the sun has at last made its first appearance on the London ever-gray sky? Or because there was a vague scent of changes, of a budding new life in the air?

Wendy had always loathed diverting her thoughts from the service, but that morning she just couldn't stop the tide of frustration, that seemed to cover her like a dark veil.

Oh, but hadn't everything been talked over and over again between them countless times?

Truly, Wendy believed she had used every argument she could think of…

…._That God's love and empathy always were above His justice…_

…_.That we couldn't really call Him The Just One – were it so, we'd have been already in hell for quite a while, my love…_

…_That every sin, no matter how great, can be forgiven, except for an unrepentant one…_

…_That there is a chance for redemption for EVERYONE, for goodness' sake!!! If you only don't shrink from it…_

Still, the answer had always been the same:

…_My beauty, I'd prefer not to get deeper into the subject for the time being._

_Beg pardon, my love, but we shall not talk of it._

_**Oh, man unfathomable!**_

**Why on Earth did he always have to be so difficult?**

As a matter of fact, it was a well-known truth, that her husband had never been a easy person.

Neither was he a "nice" one.

Neither back in Neverland, ages ago, nor now, in the 1920s London.

But it was also true, she had to admit, that she had married him not for his missing virtues.

She loved James. And for sure her love had never been a blind one.

She believed in him. That explained everything.

The point was: why couldn't he, for once, believe in himself?

And, which was by no means less important, believe in Our Lord's words?

She scolded herself for being so lost in her reverie, when the sexton started reading the Apostle :

Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;

**5**

does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil;

**6**

does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth;

**7**

bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

**8**

Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away.

**9**

For we know in part and we prophesy in part.

**10**

But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away.

**11**

When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

**12**

For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.

**13**

And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

Wendy Stuart closed her eyes, leaning against the column.

Love suffers long… 


	2. Chapter 2

**Love never fails…**

Oh, but she longed to tell James that years ago, when he allowed a single drop of remorse to penetrate into the depths of his soul, at that very moment all his past transgressions became nothing but a grain of sand in the vast ocean of God's unconditional love and mercy!

However, at times she felt as if she was stumbling against a wall of polite, deep-hidden resistance.

Sometimes that wall seemed to be made of cold slippery glass, and on some occasions (Thank God, they were rare!) it felt like deathlike cold lead, through which not a single ray of sunshine could come through.

And it left Wendy at a complete loss, because not even all her love and affection seemed strong enough to make a breech in that wall.

Or, to use another metaphor, to shift that stumbling block.

After all those years of useless efforts ,she finally came to realization that God was probably the only One to do this job…

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Mum, are you all right?

Wendy opened her eyes to find Jane gently touching her sleeve with an anxious look.

-Yes, honey, only got carried away for a moment.

Are you sure you're feeling well?

I'm fine, kitten, never mind. Go back to your place – the Evangel will be read in a moment!

Ok, I'm going, mum!

Jane gave her a quick nod of understanding before disappearing. Wendy gathered herself together and stood still, regaining perfect composure.

The Rector came to the pulpit.

His articulate words were now piercing the air:

**10**

Now it happened, as Jesus sat at the table in the house, that behold, many tax collectors and sinners came and sat down with Him and His disciples.

**11**

And when the Pharisees saw it, they said to His disciples, "Why does your Teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?"

**12**

When Jesus heard that, He said to them, "Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick.

**13**

But go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy and not sacrifice.' For I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance.

All of a sudden Wendy froze on the spot, like Lot's wife.

I desire mercy, not sacrifice…

These simple and familiar words were now echoing in her mind like tolling bells, taking her breath away.

I desire mercy, not sacrifice…

At last the clue to her family's riddle was found!

_What if I am to be blamed? What if the reason for all this is nobody but myself? Could it be that underneath all my eloquent reasoning there was nothing but injured pride and vanity of a righteous and magnanimous "doer of good deeds"?_

_Oh, but it was pleasant, indeed, to be considered by the society "a light in the darkest shadow" and the fair savior of mankind – or just a certain black-hearted villain from her childish tales…_

Mercy, not sacrifice…

And though her love for James was genuine, did she never, ever, somewhere in the faraway drawers of her mind, thought of their marriage as a sort of sacrifice? Hadn't she sometimes indulged certain self-pitiful thoughts about having sacrificed all – her youth, her innocence, her credulousness, her former family life and her now long gone childish dreams of a faraway land – for his sake?

Not to mention her letting go of the first and most pure attachment and turning to the man 23 years her senior…

Love doesn't seek its own…

And what my own hidden motives had been? What if in my persistent zeal to push James towards the Light I was being selfish, not loving? If I thought more of my own feelings than of his? If only…

Mercy, not sacrifice…

A tide of shame was gradually overcoming her.

_If You, O Lord, should mark iniquities, Lord, who could stand? But there is forgiveness with You._

_For His mercy is abundant towards us; and the truth of the Lord endures for ever. _

Without a second thought Wendy slowly went down on her knees, The image of Holy Virgin was at its usual place, but now the eyes of Our Lady, the Most Merciful of all women in history, seemed to be looking straight into Wendy's soul, their expression emanating empathy, as ever

_All my hopes I set upon You ,oh, Holy Mother of God_, Wendy whispered , _please, keep us all under Your protection.._

Suddenly there was a slight noise behind her.

Exhausted by her inner turmoil, Wendy Moira Angela Stuart abruptly turned around.

Behind her back, not far away from the entrance, she saw the kneeling figure of her husband…

I surpass the Publican in transgressions,

but do not even compete in his repentance.

I have not accomplished the good deeds of the Pharisee,

yet I boldly out-do his boasting.

By Your infinite humility, O Christ God

through which You laid low the high-minded demons on the Cross,

establish in me the good deeds of the one,

and the humility of mind of the other,

confirming in me the good intentions of each,//

and save me, O Savior!

When the Stuart family descended the ancient stairs of the church, the midday sun was shining cheerfully on the forget-me-not blue cloudless sky.

Everyone was aware that it was only the beginning of something new, and the journey before them was to be by no means an easy one.

Still, the milestone was passed already. And a sense of relief was quite pleasant for everyone.

Unexpected joy, indeed.

Jane was looking at her parents with radiant eyes, still unaware of the fact that she was to remain their single child for less than a year.

The stumbling block, which no mortal could ever shift, was now gone forever.

Spring has come at last…


End file.
